Who I Am

I can read a thousand books and i still won’t know

the secrets of the galaxy.

I can live a hundred lives and i still won’t understand

you.

I can write every thought I ever have on paper

and I still won’t be

a good writer.

I will probably never be good enough

for this world:

what it wants, what I want.

They contradict

the reality of who I am:

I am weak

Yet I am still brave.

And I will fall, again and again

but

I

will

rise.

Safe Place

There is a place

I go in my head

To block the fear

It is peaceful, quiet, safe

Like mountains in starlight

The sea at dawn, on fire with color

I go there when 

It is all too much

It does not crumble, like our warped ocean

There is no struggle, constant brawl

It sits like a dove waiting to sing

Before I fall to pieces 

It is the calm amid the chaos

The lighthouse, steering my ship to shore

The flower in the desert of life

It is the unknown heaven

In the back of my mind.

Not Me

If it’s a question of why, 

I don’t know what to say

I never know the answers

To the questions that burn

My closed eyelids

It’s unanswered questions

That keep my mind 

Wide awake in the dead

Of night, they stay this way

Unknown, a sea of mystery

Never to be forged

Ask the old man down the mountain

The woman by the cliffs

The girl of the meadow

Not me

I’ll have no answer for you

I’ll be the waste of your time

You regret in the end

Ask the wise one, the old one

Not the broken one.

I’ll Stay


My heart aches at the thought

Of my life without yours

My soul weeps at the inkling

Of you in the ground

Hours pass as seconds, years as days 

But still the fear remains, it does not fade

I hope my life and yours, intertwine in a path

That overlaps every day of our conscious 

Is it too late to stop 

The ever ticking clock?

Maybe, but I’m here

I’ll never stop being here.

And when waters are rough

And we both want peace

We’ll keep each other afloat

Above the dark waves of night.

For my best friend who’s always there for me.

Ache

I ache to hear you cry, that you are not enough

I hurt to see you run dry, of all you ever loved

I cry when I hear your pleas, that you may soon end

And I ache

I ache 

I ache 

For you my sweet friend

And if you ever leave 

Me here to struggle alone

I may resent you till

My own struggle draws to a close

I hate hate hate

The way this makes me feel

Like I’d be better off 

Buried in the ground

Know you’re not alone

Cuz I feel this too

Maybe a different kind

But in the same room

They’ll say what they want,

It can cut to the bone,

But please please please 

Know that you’re not alone.

Because, Reasons

You know there’s some comfort in the thought that maybe someone will someday read this. Probably not, that’s the great part. Anyway, I’m going to treat this site as a diary because there are almost no views so I have absolutely nothing to lose. This whole idea was just an experiment for me to see if my writing is any good. Yes, I know, flawed logic. I realize it’s a bad idea on all fronts and that my writing really isn’t any good, but I was bored and lonely and I still am so I’m gonna waste my time rambling about how pathetic I am. Dang. Talk about a run on sentence. My English teacher would kill me, but let’s hope and pray he never reads this because… I’m pretty sure he’d cry. This is an idea that only ends in disaster but that’s better than boredom.

Ode To My Trash Can

Oh, Trash Can! You stand so tall,

You hold my rubbish and you never fall.

You regal thing, you’ve stood through the ages,

Have never failed me and you are an angel.

One outside, waiting to be dumped,

One by my bedside, waiting for junk.

You live to serve, without any thanks,

So I’m here today to give you some praise.

Why do you do these noble deeds?

What have we ever given you?

A form of charity, I assume

So thank you, my honorable hero!

It’s Not Love

People tell me I’m lucky They tell me, be grateful

How can I be grateful For people who ignore me?

I beg for love, Try to pry it from their hands

But it isn’t love If it has to be taken

I do my best But time after time I fail

I begin to believe That no one could love me

I give them so many chances Hundreds of moments

Where all it would take is a word To brighten my day

They disregard All of my attempts

I am nothing to them

One says I’m here for you The other says nothing at all

She isn’t here for me Always gone

More important things await her But at least she trys

The latter hides away She closes herself in her burrow

Many days I request her time But every risk I take

Gets thrown to the ground I am nothing to her

So I ball it all up No one need know

But my soul is dying Day by day

So I tell you everything I hide nothing from your eyes

You know me front and back Better than I know myself

I hope one day You will tell the world

That they dodged a bullet Or lost a love

You needn’t know which

Why?????

Do you ever wonder why? I do. Probably more than I should. I wonder why we send children to school for twelve years, then send them to college for who knows how many more years. We do all this so that they can get a job, right? So they can have money and they can pay for their children to be part of the same damn process. We used to live in the moment. Enjoying life as it came. Now we live for the future when we should be living for today. It’s a system that very few people break out of. Sometimes I wish I could break out of it. Then I ask myself, why not? I try and find an answer to that recurring question. If you really think about it, we don’t do that much. So why not? Why don’t you just hop in your car and drive as far as you can until you run out of gas? You could be thinking, “Because I don’t want to.” If that’s you, then that’s totally cool and you can stop reading. But if I’m reading your mind and this is exactly what you want, then why haven’t you already left? Something must be holding you down. So ask yourself, why not?